I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
