you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
