I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
