I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
