You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
