xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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