im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
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