I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
