The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I think my moral compass just broke
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