I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
