NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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