is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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