So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
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