you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
