I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
im on a boat
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