that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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