All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
