Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
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