Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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