you guys were way drunker than both of me
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
