forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
