No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize