Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
