brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
