Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
