I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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