Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
