Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
