Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
