I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
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