i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
you inspire me to be a worse person
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize