You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
now i know why i became what i already was.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
