y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
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