My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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