so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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