My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
