Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
