I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
