Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
