does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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