You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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