You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
It's blow job season.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
