I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
