remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
