This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
