i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
