i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
