Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
