Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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