I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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