im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
