I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
