New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Randomize
