My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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