I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
