I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
never play flip cup with pint glasses
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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