the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
