I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
