Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
