my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
