Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
