Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
NoShamevember. You game?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
