How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
