My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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