Swine flu. Run for my life!
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
