I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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