Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
