I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
