Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
People in love make me want to vomit
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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