someone threw a dead crab at me
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
