NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize