Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
