Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
