wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
this boner is exhausting
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
