if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
