Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
