Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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