Sry I called you an 8
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Oh god it's open bar.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
