hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
