they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
