I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize