my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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