Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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