Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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