i don't like sucking hair
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
