I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
