woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Randomize
