Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
