wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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